Nov 14, 2008
Possible Futures: What's In Store For The Zelda Franchise?
Since Ocarina of Time, however, Zelda games have been great, but have never achieved that same blow-me-away factor of that "triforce" of masterpieces. Now that we’ve reached into the third dimension of gaming, what can be done besides changing the artistic direction of the series? Wind Waker and Twilight Princess essentially just took the Ocarina formula and tweaked it to make something "new." Don’t get me wrong, I loved the island-hopping exploration of Wind Waker, but it didn’t change the foundation of the series’ game design. Twilight Princess, while incredibly enjoyable, was basically Ocarina of Time for the new millennium.
To really excite me, I want to see something new. I want to see a story that goes further than the respectable attempt at novelty made by Twilight Princess. The idea of other worlds, realms, or dimensions has always been a part of Zelda lore, so why not place the Hero of Time in a story where he must venture to different worlds to complete his journey? Why not make these worlds all run on unique sets of rules that make the experience within each one completely fresh and memorable? Why not make the gameplay change depending on where Link finds himself, but still maintain that overall "Zelda" feel?
Taking that idea further, why not give the player more choices? Let there be a branching story, let the game change with each play-through, and let the player decide in which direction (s)he wants to guide our hero. Will he go here or there, will he help him or her, and will he do this or that? Then, what are the consequences of those decisions? What opportunities will open up as a result of those choices and what roads will forever be blocked? Let’s give Link some free will.
Finally, let’s not rescue Zelda. Maybe we can make her the protagonist, even, and give Link a rest...
...okay, she can have a supporting role.
May 4, 2008
One Word Review | The Legend Of Zelda: The Ocarina Of Time
Quintessential
Nov 19, 2007
That Game Is What?
I was having a bit of fun the other day looking up terms on Urbandictionary.com, and I decided it would make for an interesting column if I started looking up videogame terms to pass on to you, the GN faithful. Eventually, it just turned into "name a game and pick the most disparaging/humorous definition of said game" - which isn't really so bad.*
Here's what I found during my quest (entries left unedited for extra entertainment value - beware of extreme profanity):
Video games:
1 - The only thing that's fun to do anymore.
PS3:
1 - sony playstation 3, it was released @ E3 2005, looks like a fridge door with dildos as controllers
2 - An over priced George Foreman grill, enough heat and space to cook food for a 3rd world country plus it costs as much as a 3rd world country...
Wii:
1 - Wii (pronounced "Wee") is the name for Nintendo's new console to be released in 2006. The soundalike word wee is also a euphemism for urinating. Nintendo had always insisted they would become "number one", and now they are.
2 - A repackaged Gamecube with motion controls. Formerly known as the Levorution
3 - To change a cool sounding product into a name that sounds like you have to go to the bathroom
4 - XBox 360's little white bitch
Xbox 360:
1 - Basically Microsoft's next big fat console that allows blood-thirsty players to play blood-filled killing games. Will emulates incredible details and graphics of death, mutilation, blood, infiltration, conspiration, explosion, planet novas, killing and prostitution.
2 - A junky fucking game system that isn't worth a penny. It breaks easily, horrible graphics, the graphics are blurry, junky look, shitty-ass controls, sucks like the xbox. PS3 rules! Xbox 360 sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 - The suckiest Next-Gen console Ever.
4 - The Game console pwned by the PS3 and Wii.
MMORPG:
1 - Many Men Online Role-Playing Girls.
2 - A treadmill that makes you fatter.
3 - A mans mistress
4 - Relationship killer.
Leeroy Jenkins:
1 - Doing it Leeroy Jenkins Style. Meaning to do something so bloody wild that youll be talked about for months because it was bloody insane.
World of Warcraft:
1 - A good fun alternative to life.
2 - crack, in CD-ROM form.
3 - The most highly addictive game ever played. It will consume your soul and poison your water supply.
Halo:
1. without this game most guys would spend most of their time masturbating
2. code word: group, all male, masturbating.
3. electronic circle jerk, multiguy mission.
Halo 3:
1 - If idle hands are the devil's tools, then the Halo franchise should be delaying armageddon for decades to come.
2 - A gift probably from heaven, programmed by god himself. Though Playstation 3 fag boys...sorry, "fanboys" may say it sucks, they are just disappointed that their console will not be able to handle it. With all it's cool features, halo 3 will make gaming history. On Sept 25th the earth itself will shake from the awesomeness of halo. I look forward to laughing at the PS3 fans on that day.
Metal Gear Solid:
1. a game that is too fucking cool for words to describe.if you havnt played it then you cant realy say you've had life experience when applying for a job.
Final Fantasy:
1 - a highly addictive drug.
2 - the video game series that used to be for video game geeks but now is now unfortunately enjoyed by all, including the people that used to beat me up for liking these games
2 - The RPG plague and should be ingorned and it will go away.
3 - some gay game that all the gay ass nerds play and they suck balls
Guitar Hero:
1 - A game played at Best Buy as a way to pick up chicks who dont realize that no skill from playing the real guitar is required.
2 - A video game on the Playstation 2 and the lazy man's alternative to actually playing the guitar because they are either too lazy, impatient, or simply lack the talent.
3 - DDR for your fingers. Has spawned an obsession over the entire country. 15 year olds who have never touched a real guitar consider it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Mario Kart:
1 - A drunk college student's favorite pastime.
Mario:
1- A fat and short plumber that the only way he can get laid is is to save the princess from Bowser. He eats shrooms to grow higher. To give an example of how much he wants to get laid: hes willing to bust bricks with his head. But you, have a better chance of getting laid if you stay big, so don't get hit or you'll shrink.
2 - Self absorbed, self centered, one-upping douche. See also Jackass
Luigi:
1 - A pimp-ass motherfucker who always gets outstaged by his short, fat brother,
Zelda:
1 - Absolutely, beyond a doubt, no questions asked, the GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME EVER CREATED ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH! Anyone who hates Zelda sucks at life completely.
2 - The hoebag princess from The Legend of Zelda series that does absolutely nothing and screams a lot.
Silent Hill:
1 - an insanely scary game designed to make boys and girls defecate as soon as they are exposed to it. its fucked up.
2 - A game is nice and quiet then out of no where OMFG SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
Tekken:
1 - see gay.
2 - more like a shit videogame.
3 - The pimpest game there is. Anyone who says "OMG TEH VIRTUA FIGHTAR!" is either an anime fanboy japanophile cockshit or one of those fighting game uber nerds who study framerates and whatshit.
4 - Its the mojo that keeps you alive
5 - virtua fighter is fucking gay and tekken is nothing like street fighter. its the best fightin game out on the market to this day and if you dont like it you can suck a dick. Easily beaten but not easily mastered
Virtua Fighter:
1 - VF = Better graphics, physics, GAMEPLAY, REPLAYABILITY, LASTABILITY!!!
Teken = Better ways to mash buttons, better flashes, better CHEAP factor.
2 - Virtua fighter is a game for American wannabe jap nerds that think gay bullshit is better just for the fuck of it. Well it ain't. Hope you learned your lesson Bitch.
Street Fighter:
1 - A story about RYU's serious ego problem.
2 - The source of all school violence. That and DOOM.
That's all for now. I think I will do this again one day with different games (hopefully ones that are just as loved/hated as the ones listed above). Hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did.
*Disclaimer: The definitions in this column in no way represent the feelings of the author. If you would kindly direct your torches and pitchforks elsewhere, that would be greatly appreciated.
Dec 16, 2006
Zelda Outshines Zelda -- Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess (GCN) Review
The control system is in fact the biggest difference between the two games, as the GCN version of Twilight Princess reverts to the familiar scheme found in previous Zelda games, with a few minor tweaks. Link wields his sword with the B button, performing special maneuvers like jumps, rolls, and spin attacks using the A button in conjunction with the control stick. Combat feels very responsive and is satisfying throughout, making the gamer really WANT to engage the game's many enemies.
When it comes to secondary weapons, the loss of direct aiming is unfortunate, but not detrimental to the experience. In fact, Link's weapon of choice now shows up on screen while aiming, using the tool itself as a guide in place of the default Wii crosshair. The control stick does its job, and saves the player the trouble of raising his hand to point at the screen. As a result, the "please point remote at the screen" message that was so persistent in the Wii version is completely eliminated. Additionally, the mapping of Link's items is improved upon, by allowing instant access with a single button-push. Whereas the Wii version forced players to first select the desired item with the D-pad, and THEN make use of it with the B button, the GCN Link uses it on-the-fly when X or Y is pressed. The only problem here is that there are now only two buttons available for these items, as opposed to four. In certain situations this is a hassle, and can be more annoying to some gamers than others.
The change that all will undoubtedly welcome is the immensely improved camera system. The player now takes full control of the camera with the C-stick, much like in Wind Waker. The L button still works to center the camera, but becomes relatively unnecessary for anything other than combat. This change, above all others, makes the game a pleasure to play from start to finish - even in a backwards world. The Wii game is a 100% mirror image of this version, because Nintendo thought a right-handed Link would feel more natural to gamers swinging the Wii remote. Now, he is a lefty again.
So the series that has wowed gamers time and time again is taking its final curtain call on the Gamecube, with The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess. The only question that remains is, does this spiritual successor to The Ocarina of Time stand up to the task, and is it worthy of the Zelda name? The answer - yes, it is everything gamers have come to expect from the franchise, and on the GCN, has remedied control and pacing issues that made the Wii version feel somewhat dated.
Twilight Princess is the tale of another young lad named Link, who comes from humble beginnings as a goatherd in the small village of Ordon, just south of "Hyrule Proper." An unfortunate series of events sends Link to the rescue of a few of the villagers, but before he can make it very far, he is drawn into an alternate world known as the Twilight Realm. It is here that a good portion of the game will take place, and serves as this game's analog to the light and dark worlds from A Link to the Past, or even Link's childhood and adulthood in The Ocarina of Time. In this digitized dark filter of Hyrule, Link is transformed into a wolf, and has a different set of abilities than while in his human form. Wolf Link is able to dig into the ground for items, and even pass under obstacles such as gates and walls. He also possesses the "sense" ability, which reveals things that would otherwise be imperceptible, such as scents or apparitions. If these aren't enough, a little twilight-dweller named Midna joins him on his quest, and grants him new combat techniques and the very nifty ability to make seemingly impossible leaps in rapid succession. The dichotomy of the two worlds along with Link's two forms creates a sense of variety in gameplay, which is more fully realized as the quest wears on.
Early on, Link must venture to various portions of Hyrule, in traditional Zelda fashion, complete a series of dungeons to collect a group of items to eventually save the land of Hyrule. The difference here is that each area is initially veiled in Twilight, and Link is charged with the task of locating "tears of light" to de-twilightize it. These portions can feel slightly slow, and combined with excessive hand-holding at the outset, Twilight Princess requires a bit of patience.
Otherwise, the design of the game is very good. Hyrule is huge, approximating roughly five times that of The Ocarina of Time, and it is put together such that it unfolds to the player naturally and elegantly. As Link traverses the landscape, load times are few and far between, and when they do rear their ugly heads, it is brief and relatively painless. This applies to dungeon areas as well, which, as always, are superbly conceived and executed, with very well thought-out progression and plenty of interesting new puzzle ideas. These are really the meat and potatoes of the game, and provide the essence of the Zelda experience. There is generally a point within each dungeon where the gameplay is stepped up, presenting a new set of challenges to the gamer. These points coincide with the acquisition of one of the game's many new secondary weapons and items. Of course there are the old standbys, such as the bow, boomerang, and bombs, but Twilight Princess also incorporates a slew of new toys for Link to play with, and even adds slight tweaks and new uses for the recycled items in order to keep things fresh. Another nice alteration is that Link's tools no longer dwell within the shadows of random treasure chests, but are acquired by defeating mini bosses within each dungeon. The sense of achievement involved is reminiscent of the recovery of abilities in Metroid Prime. Link earns his weapons now.
Similarly, the player must also work to gain new combat skills. Gone are the days of the static move set. Twilight Princess grants seven new techniques to the player at points throughout the adventure, but only after locating special howling stones and subsequently sparring with an ancient spirit. It is possible to eschew these altogether and complete the game as an untalented swordsman, but the skills provided by this spirit add much depth to the combat system, and make swordplay much more entertaining.
One aspect of the game's combat that is especially engaging are the boss fights. As is expected from the Zelda series, the boss battles are all excellent. Each is multifaceted, requiring a few different skills working in conjunction to succeed, and most are multi-staged. There is considerable variance between these conflicts, because each one is reliant upon the primary employment of a specific weapon, and each one makes use of an entirely different gameplay mechanic. No two bosses are the same, and that is greatly appreciated. Another addition to Twilight Princess's combat system is the ability to fight on horseback. Link is no longer limited to using his bow, but can wield his sword and other weapons while perched atop his trusty steed. Mounted swordplay is incredibly satisfying, but unfortunately there are only a few sequences that highlight it as it should be. All other times, gamers will just have to enjoy the fact that Link can now swing his sword as he runs, without interrupting his stride. It is a small improvement, but a noticeable one.
Also very noticeable are the game's graphics. Of course the visuals don't stand up, technically, to HD-era games, but artistically, Twilight Princess is solid. It is one of the prettiest on the GameCube, although textures and animations (the horse and wolf running motions, in particular) can seem lacking in today's graphical battleground. The land of Hyrule is presented as a complete world, with varying land and sea -scapes, as well as a vast desert and stormy tundra. Each dungeon carries a unique theme, which is integrated not only in the the graphical presentation but straight into gameplay. The visuals are actually functional. Beyond the familiar Hyrule horizon is the digitized Twilight Realm. This dark, computerized world is highly stylized and presents some cool effects, like the materialization of warp holes in the sky, which remain visible in the distance at all times. Everything in the Twilight Realm is composed of little black squares, in a sort of pixelated dream-world. When warping, the pieces composing Link will break apart and come together, just as the Twilight creatures do when defeated. All the models in the game are done well, and even though the game has been billed as a more mature-looking title, it maintains a cartoonish look in its characters, who are caricatured and very expressive. Polygonal graphics doesn't mean realistic, and Twilight Princess functions as an artistic exhibition more so than a technical display.
The audio is also presented simply, but artistically. Twilight Princess includes a wonderful score that will constantly poke gamers in the nostalgia center as it remixes tunes from the Zelda archives. The mood is set perfectly in most areas by the appropriate orchestral instrumentation and engrossing compositions. The only problem here is that the sound samples are still not produced by real orchestras, but by their synthesized counterparts. Ambient noise and sound effects are well done, reusing some old sounds to keep things very "Zelda," but adding in strange bits here and there to exemplify the very obviously different themes that are already presented visually. All of this is delivered in Dolby Pro Logic II, with good quality separation and very acceptable field of sound.
All in all, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is a welcome addition to the Zelda franchise, and stands tall among its brethren. At its core, it is undoubtedly a Zelda game, and produces that magical effect that they are known for. The 'Cube version improves upon nearly all of the Wii's shortcomings, and the game gets better and better as it unfolds. The bottom line is that it is a very enjoyable experience, impossible not to recommend to any gamer. If Zelda was your sole reason for purchasing a Wii, then rejoice, save yourself the $250, buy the GCN version, and rejoice again.
PS - I STILL don't need to know about the more valuable rupees EVERY TIME I play the game!!!
Dec 2, 2006
The Ghost of Zeldas Past -- Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii) Review
Twilight Princess is the tale of another young lad named Link, who comes from humble beginnings as a goatherd in the small village of Ordon, just south of "Hyrule Proper." An unfortunate series of events sends Link to the rescue of a few of the villagers, but before he can make it very far, he is drawn into an alternate world known as the Twilight Realm. It is here that a good portion of the game will take place, and serves as this game's analog to the light and dark worlds from A Link to the Past, or even Link's childhood and adulthood in The Ocarina of Time. In this digitized dark filter of Hyrule, Link is transformed into a wolf, and has a different set of abilities than while in his human form. Wolf Link is able to dig into the ground for items, and even pass under obstacles such as gates and walls. He also possesses the "sense" ability, which reveals things that would otherwise be imperceptible, such as scents or apparitions. If these aren't enough, a little twilight-dweller named Midna joins him on his quest, and grants him new combat techniques and the very nifty ability to make seemingly impossible leaps in rapid succession. The dichotomy of the two worlds along with Link's two forms creates a sense of variety in gameplay, which is more fully realized later on in the quest, but falters slightly when first introduced.
Early on, Link must venture to various portions of Hyrule, in traditional Zelda fashion, complete a series of dungeons to collect a group of items to eventually save the land of Hyrule. The difference here is that each area is initially veiled in Twilight, and Link is charged with the task of locating "tears of light" to de-twilightize it. This is where the alternate world mechanic feels wholly unsatisfying, and efficiently spoils the game's pacing. Collecting these tears of light simply amounts to a few glorified fetch-quests, which take up way too much time and do not offer any significant captivation or development. In all honesty, during these segments I found myself playing more for the prospect of returning to human form than for the actual gameplay itself. It just feels like fluff or filler, and is not even a necessity in terms of the broader scope of the game. Combine that with excessive hand-holding at the outset, and you have the ingredients for a laboriously slow introduction.
Otherwise, the design of the game is predominantly very good. Hyrule is huge, approximating roughly five times that of The Ocarina of Time, and it is put together such that it unfolds to the player naturally and elegantly. As Link traverses the landscape, load times are few and far between, and when they do rear their ugly heads, it is brief and relatively painless. This applies to dungeon areas as well, which, as always, are superbly conceived and executed, with very well thought-out progression and plenty of interesting new puzzle ideas. These are really the meat and potatoes of the game, and provide the essence of the Zelda experience. There is generally a point within each dungeon where the gameplay is stepped up, presenting a new set of challenges to the gamer. These points coincide with the acquisition of one of the game's many new secondary weapons and items. Of course there are the old standbys, such as the bow, boomerang, and bombs, but Twilight Princess also incorporates a slew of new toys for Link to play with, and even adds slight tweaks and new uses for the recycled items in order to keep things fresh. The new controller is a great advantage here, and makes aiming Link's projectile weapons incredibly intuitive. You simply point at the screen, and fire away with the B trigger. Alternatively, you can elect to disable the pointer and aim with the control stick, but I think the pointer works better in this case. Another nice alteration is that Link's tools no longer dwell within the shadows of random treasure chests, but are acquired by defeating mini-bosses within each dungeon. The sense of achievement involved is reminiscent of the recovery of abilities in Metroid Prime. Link earns his weapons now.
Similarly, the player must also work to gain new combat skills. Gone are the days of the static move set. Twilight Princess grants seven new techniques to the player at points throughout the adventure, but only after locating special howling stones and subsequently sparring with an ancient spirit. It is possible to eschew these altogether and complete the game as an untalented swordsman, but the skills provided by this spirit add much depth to the combat system, and make swordplay much more entertaining. It's a good thing they do, because combat suffers under the new control style of the Wii. Yes, the very portion of the game that was anticipated to benefit the greatest from the wii-mote is actually impaired by it. This is not to say that combat is entirely broken, but that it would likely be a smoother experience using the traditional button-mapping. This game implements a sort of gesture-mapping, rather than the direct input that is seen in a game like Wii Sports. Link's sword swings DO NOT directly coincide with the motions produced by the player - those motions simply initiate the very same animation that a button-press would. This sort of control certainly takes some getting used to. In the first 10 or so hours of gameplay, I experimented with all types of motions, ranging from full arm swings to slight flicks of the wrist - vertical, horizontal and diagonal. My conclusion is that the wii-mote works best when treated AS A BUTTON. A quick up and down motion (as if tapping a flat surface - like a button) is the most effective in producing the desired response in the most timely manner. As in older Zelda games, the most cumbersome part of combat is the initial slice, because Link first has to unsheathe his sword, and then swing. In the past, a quick reaction to an approaching enemy requires nothing more than a few rapid button presses, but in Twilight Princess, the same maneuver takes more time, as the system needs to sense the entire range of motion for the first gesture, respond, and then reset to receive the next input. This premise is true of any combat situation requiring a more rapid assault, and makes battles with larger groups less feasible, and less enjoyable. I feel as though battles with generic enemies could have been much more varied and elaborate had the gesture-based combat been omitted. I even found myself sometimes avoiding confrontation, while in older Zelda games, I would do my best to engage nearly every enemy.
One aspect of the game's combat that NEVER disappoints are the boss fights. As is expected from the Zelda series, the boss battles are all excellent. Each is multifaceted, requiring a few different skills working in conjunction to succeed, and most are multi-staged. There is considerable variance between these conflicts, because each one is reliant upon the primary employment of a specific weapon, and each one makes use of an entirely different gameplay mechanic. No two bosses are the same, and that is greatly appreciated. Another addition to Twilight Princess's combat system is the ability to fight on horseback. Link is no longer limited to using his bow, but can wield his sword and other weapons while perched atop his trusty steed. Mounted swordplay is incredibly satisfying, but unfortunately there are only a few sequences that highlight it as it should be. All other times, gamers will just have to enjoy the fact that Link can now swing his sword as he runs, without interrupting his stride. It is a small improvement, but a noticeable one.
Nothing is as 'noticeable' as the camera, though. Twilight Princess takes a huge step backwards from the excellent camera in Wind Waker, and completely revokes camera control. There is no way to adjust the camera's position on the fly and all that remains is a vestigial scheme from 1998 and The Ocarina of Time. Z-targeting and a first-person view are available, and both produce a horrible stutter in the gameplay experience when used. No longer can the player survey his surroundings while running around a room, but must stop, enter first person mode, look around, and finally return to the default view. Trying to achieve the best possible view is difficult, since all that one can do is center the camera directly behind Link. Even this becomes impossible if any enemy, character or targetable object is nearby. It is terribly frustrating. The camera tries to be "smart," and is often successful, but a better solution would have been to control the camera with the wii-mote's d-pad. Items could be put on the + and - buttons, menus and maps could be combined onto the 1 button and Midna could be put onto the 2 button. I am certain these simple changes would've helped produce a much more pleasant experience.
Although the camera is what I might call broken, what is available to look at through that camera is quite appealing. Of course the visuals don't stand up, technically, to HD-era games, but artistically, Twilight Princess is solid. It looks very impressive for a Gamecube 1.5 game, although textures and animations (the horse and wolf running motions, in particular) can seem lacking in today's graphical battleground. The land of Hyrule is presented as a complete world, with varying land and sea -scapes, as well as a vast desert and stormy tundra. Each dungeon carries a unique theme, which is integrated not only in the the graphical presentation but straight into gameplay. The visuals are actually functional. Beyond the familiar Hyrule horizon is the digitized Twilight Realm. This dark, computerized world is highly stylized and presents some cool effects, like the materialization of warp holes in the sky, which remain visible in the distance at all times. Everything in the Twilight Realm is composed of little black squares, in a sort of pixelated dream-world. When warping, the pieces composing Link will break apart and come together, just as the Twilight creatures do when defeated. All the models in the game are done well, and even though the game has been billed as a more mature-looking title, it maintains a cartoonish look in its characters, who are caricatured and very expressive. Polygonal graphics doesn't mean realistic, and Twilight Princess functions as an artistic exhibition more so than a technical display.
The same statement is applicable to the audio. Twilight Princess includes a wonderful score that will constantly poke gamers in the nostalgia center as it remixes tunes from the Zelda archives. The mood is set perfectly in most areas by the appropriate orchestral instrumentation and engrossing compositions. The only problem here is that the sound samples are still not produced by real orchestras, but by their synthesized counterparts. Ambient noise and sound effects are well done, reusing some old sounds to keep things very "Zelda," but adding in strange bits here and there to exemplify the very obviously different themes that are already presented visually. Lastly, the player might think that the controller is talking to him, because it is. A variety of sounds come directly from the wii-mote speaker, such as the slash of a sword or the stretch of a bowstring, and although the speaker is a tinny-sounding, low quality one, the effect is innovative and effective.
All in all, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is a welcome addition to the Zelda franchise, and stands strongly among its brethren. At its core, it is that same game that gamers have been playing for years, and suffers from a handful of imperfections from a bygone era. It often feels dated, and seems in need of evolution, which frankly has not been provided by the Wii remote. Despite its shortcomings, however, it still manages to produce the magical effect that Zelda games are known for, and gets better and better as the hours wear on. The bottom line is that it is a very enjoyable experience, and is impossible not to recommend to any gamer.
PS - do i REALLY need to know EVERY time i get a fucking blue rupee?!! i've been getting them for 20 years!! As for those who haven't, I'm sure they can grasp the fact that they're worth more after being told once!
Nov 18, 2006
Zelda: Twilight Princess Discussion
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Brian: F*** the Super Mario games already. F*** Mario! He's not an interesting character he appeals to f***ing little kids, mainly, I guess. I dunno who he even appeals to. Self respecting adults see Mario and think they want to play? I can't picture that. Your Nintendo love may make you unobjective. Is there any way you could ever talk s*** about the new Zelda? I mean, you loved Wind Waker right?
Eddie: I liked it, but it needed more to it. More dungeons, and less sailing.
Brian: Do you ever think to yourself, "Hmm, rehash of Ocarina of Time?" F*** it.
Eddie: Well, yeah. I think 3D action-adventure game based on dungeon exploration and completion, slight puzzle solving.
Brian: What you should really be thinking is, alright, more of this Zelda s***. The same story is rehashed every time with slight variation.
Eddie: But the thing is..."this Zelda s***" is fun.
Brian: Blah, blah. Triforce every time; successive dungeons to get you a boomerang, hookshot, bottles, etc - the same weapons every time. If it's basically enjoyable, that's cool, but nothing is basically enjoyable after 3 rehashes, or 4 or 5 or whatever. I don't play Tony Hawk anymore
Eddie: Yeah, I understand, however, Zelda is a game that has a slight plot to it.
Brian: The same plot, slightly different.
Eddie: Yes, the same damn plot, in general, but it has a new world to explore each time.
Brian: A new world offering many of the same elements and challenges over and over.
Eddie: But still different
Brian: Not by much
Eddie: Right, there always seems to be just enough added to keep it familiar but at the same time, fresh. Maybe not in the case of Majora's Mask.
Brian: Ocarina was good. It was taking it to 3D. Cool. But Wind Waker and Twilight Princess? They're still just 3D - nothing drastically new. WW has a boat...
Eddie: Well, they're not going to be f***ing 4D, are they?
Brian: Yeah, but they need to move to the next level - the new gameplay paradigm - and the Wii-mote isn't that for TP. It was made for GameCube.
Eddie: Right, nobody could use that as a defense. It is mapping. Map to button, map to gesture - same idea. Well, the boomerang and bow are done up well.
Brian: I was sort of getting excited but then I realized something... I sort of wasn't so much. Like, "wow a new Zelda, I should care about this," but my heart is black, Eddie, black as night.
Eddie: I know, I know.
Brian: Black as a brick of coal under a bridge at night. I have no love for anything, except for what is purely fun and awesome.
Eddie: Put a little love in there, Brian.
Brian: I won't give a game love that doesn't deserve it. I am the best reviewer this world will ever see, because I don't give a damn.
Eddie: And I won't try too hard to defend a game I have yet to play.
Brian: I will destroy it for you, so you can't enjoy it, hahahaha. I will make you see every flaw, till even the games you love most are horrible.
Eddie: Well, I can use history as an indicator. I enjoyed the previous Zelda games, so the newest iteration is expected to please.
Brian: I enjoyed 3 of them. Zelda 2 ate s***, Wind Waker just couldn't hold my interest at all - I just didnt care - and TP looks like an Ocarina upgrade.
Eddie: Well, even if it doesn't impress, at least it will make for an enjoyable time. Of that, I can be certain.








