The Sequel Curve: Are All Sequels Created Equal?

Videogame publishers thrive off of sequels, often relying on brand recognition and the 'household name' effect to drive sales further than they might see with wholly original intellectual properties. Consumers are more likely to purchase those games whose titles resonate in their memory than something that is, for all intents and purposes, foreign.

With all of the high-profile sequels we've seen in recent months/years, I can't help but have this subject on my mind, and today I'll be continuing my quasi-mini-series with an idea that I've been hypothesizing about for some time now -- something I call the sequel curve.

I have long wondered if there is some regular trend that displays itself across all videogame franchises relating to the quality of sequels over time. Is the first game always the best? Or is it the worst? How about the second? Do series improve or deteriorate consistently over time? Is there a magic number that is always the best, or is the whole thing just a crapshoot?

It's hard to tell through causal observation. Looking at franchises like Silent Hill or Hitman, an argument could be made that the second in the series is the pinnacle of quality, whereas franchises like Devil May Cry or Grand Theft Auto would suggest just the opposite. Still others say that the third game is the best, and so on.

To lay this burning curiosity to rest, I decided to take a sample of 16 videogame franchises and compare the average critical ratings of individual games throughout the course of the series. Because the number four has reared its ugly head in over a dozen current gen titles, because it is both large enough to create a good curve yet small enough that a significant number of franchises could be included, and because I'm thinking about Metal Gear Solid, I decided to examine the first four games in each series. The only other limiting factor was that these franchises had to have their roots in the modern, three-dimensional era of gaming -- the 32-bit era and beyond -- so as to get a result that is relevant to to today's gamers.

The graph illustrates my results, and would appear to proclaim that the third entry into a videogame franchise is typically the best. This could be because up until that point, developers are perfecting their craft and creating an identity for their games. Maybe after the third game, the content becomes stale and gamers become spoiled and demanding, needing to be wowed once again...

...or maybe this graph shows that there is no way to extrapolate a significant trend at all from the data given.

What look like sizable differences on the first graph amount to nearly nothing when viewed as part of a full 100-point range. Between the lowest and highest average scores, there is a mere four percent difference, which in the gaming world is almost completely negligible.

And thus, our questions have been answered! There is no distinct trend that describes the quality of all videogame franchises over time. Each one is different from the rest, and every game within them is just as likely to be a triumphant blockbuster as it is to be an utter failure.

With that, I take my leave from this week's column to play Grand Theft Auto IV, the ninth game in the series.

Shoot It! -- Assault Heroes 2 Review

Sometimes you just want to kick it old school, and that's exactly what Wanako Games allows you to do with their Xbox Live Arcade sequel, Assault Heroes 2. The game takes classic top-down shooter action and expands upon it nicely, making this one 800 MS point download that is well worth the investment, regardless of its flaws.

Assault Heroes 2 invites players to assume the role of a stereotypical space marine sort of character, then jump into a heavily armed off-road vehicle and traverse a variety of battlefields, blasting the bejesus out of anything that moves. For some quick, nostalgic, arcade shooting action, this game gets the job done.

The focus is mainly on vehicular combat; the game serves up trucks, tanks, helicopters, and mechs on a silver platter for the player to commandeer during each and every stage of the assault. However, these modes of transport will only hold up so long under the heavy fire that your enemies are sure to rain upon you, and could almost be considered large and extravagant mobile suits of armor. After absorbing enough damage, even the mightiest of tanks will shatter like an eggshell, leaving the player to fend for him- or herself on foot.

Offense is the most enjoyable part of this experience, thanks in part to the traditional dual-analog setup that it employs. The left stick controls character movement, while the right stick directs his fire. Keeping the two completely independent of one another allows for precise aiming control and the ability to gracefully dodge enemy barrages while simultaneously dishing out a firestorm of your own. Strangely though, there are what you might call 'blind spots' in the right analog stick's range of motion. Rotating the stick, you will find that the line of fire will 'snap into place' as it approaches each of the four cardinal directions. That means that eight separate angles are lost to the player, and the precision aim I spoke of earlier is partially negated.

There are several weapons available in the game, which can all be upgraded by collecting the appropriate power-ups scattered generously throughout each area. Unfortunately, of all the weapons (minigun, missile launcher, flamethrower, ice gun), players will find that only the minigun is really necessary to blast through to the end, especially after a few upgrades. The other three guns feel underpowered and far less useful by comparison.

If you have friends, you can team up to mow down the hordes of soldiers, tanks, aircraft, and the like either locally or on Xbox Live. I'd recommend making sure your partner has some skill, though, because you'll be sharing your lives, a la the old TMNT games. I'm not particularly fond of this style, and would rather go it alone when my teammate can no longer hack it. (It's mean, but it's the truth) One thing that would be nice for everyone involved is a checkpoint system, that way dying wouldn't mean replaying an entire stage because you were killed by its massive boss character or the last foot soldier before the end point.

Despite its flaws, Assault Heroes 2 is a fun and functional arcade shooter that just about anyone can enjoy. Its simple control scheme feels good, and the ability to blast away with your buddies is a definite plus. Nice, high resolution graphics and crisp audio round out the package, and although it is brief, the game is definitely worth the price of admission.

One Word Review | Mass Effect

This is One Word Review, a concept that I shamelessly lifted from my friend Creighton over at eight bit childhood (it's okay, he said I could). The idea behind OWR, as we like to call it, is that videogames are so often rated, reviewed, and discussed to exhaustion that it is sometimes a relief to read a succinct, definitive description of a game--a single word that sums up the most prominent characteristics of the gaming experience. That's the idea, so here goes:

Veneer

The Count | Enough Already: Franchises That Should Call It Quits

Today I will be continuing my spontaneous semi-mini-quasi-series on videogame sequels. Last week I listed a a handful of sequels that don't yet exist, but definitely should be on my consoles...now. I don't think my words will be as pleasant this week, because these are the franchises that have too many sequels, and should probably just call it quits already (or change significantly).

Without further ado:

World War 2 games

This isn't directed at any franchise in particular, but developers really need to think of something new to make games about. World War 2 games got old years ago, but somehow they're still released by the truckloads - and they're not interesting anymore. Even Call of Duty, the poster child for WW2 games, has departed from that stale and overused subject matter. It's 2008, and there are already 2008 WW2 games. Give it a rest, already.

Final Fantasy

I'm expecting a lot of heat from this one, but honestly, since when is Final Fantasy even a series? I think Square Enix should just continue to focus on completely new and original IP, rather than re-implementing much of the same old tired gameplay and conventions of the franchise, which they have begun to do in recent years. (applause) Sure, give us RPGs, but make them unique and fresh - and don't pretend that they have anything to do with previous entries if they are completely stand-alone titles, and don't handcuff yourselves with an obligation to stick by those old conventions with each new game. Ceasing the FF cycle will allow creativity to blossom even further. I mean, how "final" is it when every new game, regardless of genre or subject matter, has the same title?

Tony Hawk

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater was an incredible game when it was first released in 1999. It was the first time skateboarding was ever explored with such depth in the form of a videogame, and was executed nearly perfectly. Fans ate it up and critics fell in love. The first and second sequels to the game expanded upon the formula established by the original game, and the series steadily improved. By the fourth time around, things had become stale, and Neversoft decided to branch off into the realm of the action/adventure game - the mediocre kind. Now, after TEN titles in EIGHT years, the last SEVEN of which have been progressively inferior, the franchise has become one of the top examples of the term "milking." Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and Tony Hawk games.

Dynasty Warriors

Those who know my videogame tastes are well aware that I'm not a big Dynasty Warriors fan. To put it bluntly, the franchise is boring, bland, un-inventive, and just plain old. None of the 9+ entries has ever cracked the 80% mark on meta-review sites, and even when the series departed from its ancient Chinese subject matter to incorporate the game was still sub-par. I would really like to see a different game come along that does the one-man-vs-hundreds-of-soldiers-on-the-battlefield- at-once thing the right way (by that i mean actually fun and NOT boring), thus forcing Dynasty Warriors into a long-overdue retirement.

Mario Kart

Here's another one that will be defended until the end of time, and although it hurts me to say it, the Mario Kart franchise has lost its luster. Gone is the speed of former installments, and stupidly overdone handicapping is apparently not going away anytime soon. Sure online play is a great addition, and any Mario Kart fan will begin to drool at just the thought of a trans-Atlantic red shell shot, but if competition is stifled as a result of deteriorated game design, what is the point? Remember the old days, and everything BEFORE Double Dash? I sure do.

Sonic Anything

Sonic Games have been awful for years now. Please stop, and let the little guy keep what is left of his ever-shrinking dignity.

That's just a few selections, so you guys can fill in the rest in the comments section. Love my picks? Hate 'em? Let us know.

Hittin' The Slopes -- We Ski Review

We Ski can be viewed as yet another "quasi-game" to grace the Nintendo Wii; something meant to appeal to a broader audience than much of the modern catalog of videogames. For those not seeking a deep, engaging experience, however, the game will provide a small and simple sandbox to play in, as well as the next worthwhile usage of the Wii's motion controls, not to mention its newest input device, the Balance Board.

Playing We Ski calls to mind another 2008 Wii release, Endless Ocean. The two share the premise of relaxed and lightly guided play, with few highlighted goals or big, motivational incentives. The difference lies in the fact that We Ski features a traditional gameplay mechanic (racing) that gamers have grown accustomed to over the years. Otherwise, We Ski is a game designed for players who are more interested in spending time using the game to create their own unique experience. In that regard, it is very faithful to the sport and pastime that it aims to recreate, as most skiers hit the slopes with no more specific goals in mind than to simply enjoy what they are doing - skiing.

We Ski's main focus is its freestyle mode, where players' custom geared (and Mii-headed) skiers are tossed onto the mountain resort to do as they please. There are multiple "hills" there, which are each marked off by a starting gate, and can be accessed by taking one of the many lifts, warping directly to the start via the pause menu, or navigating the place on your own. The hills are alive with cpu-controlled skiers, some of whom will challenge you to races and stunt/mogul competitions, and others who will ask you to find and rescue people or items from any of the individual courses on the mountain. There are indeed pre-defined tasks to complete in We Ski, but most of the game boils down to just doing your own thing.

There are also regular, slalom, and mogul races available directly from the main menu and playable by up to four people. Oh, those late night We Ski scenes...classic. There is fun to be had here, for sure, but I would contend that it has less to do with the game itself than with the player interaction and general tomfoolery that ensues.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a Wii Balance Board at the time of review, so I am unable to give a proper evaluation of its functionality with We Ski. Theoretically, turning is achieved by simply shifting weight from one foot to the other, as if carving into the slope of the mountain, but I can't say how well this actually works in practice. What I can say is that the Wii-mote/nunchuk motion controls are generally very responsive (and make for a really funny-looking pair of dudes trying to race each other).

Players move forward by motioning as if pushing off the ground with ski poles, and turn by tilting the Wii-mote and nunchuk in the direction of the turn. Sharper turns can be achieved by holding down B and Z (or C) while tilting the controller, and midair tricks can be pulled off by gesturing accordingly. There is a bit of a learning curve to all this, and even though things smooth out after a while, the controls can still feel oversensitive at times.

Graphically, the game ranks somewhere in the Gamecube 1.5 category, with minimally detailed character models and backgrounds, and basically low-res everything. The art style is on par with the typical casual Wii game, but it still would have been nice to see something a little prettier, especially given the small scope of the game world. As for audio, there is a nice, laid-back blend of tracks, including a remixed version of the Pac-Man intro theme and an instrumental Katamari on the Rocks. Other Namco remixes serve as ambiance, as well. The game's sound effects leave much to be desired, however. They are generic and stereotypically electronic.

As I mentioned earlier, We Ski is a game that seems to have been designed not with the "hardcore" gamer or racing enthusiast in mind, but more for someone who is interested in exploring a virtual skiing experience at his or her own pace. There are few real motivational goals in this sandbox-style game, and while that might be great for some, We Ski's biggest downfall is that it lacks substance. Try it out if you are interested in chillin' out on the ski hill, but skip it if you need more to drive your gaming experience than your own whims.

An Un-Fantastic Voyage -- Brain Voyage Review

Playing Razorback Studios' Brain Voyage has an effect similar to eating a slice of pizza anywhere in the US other than New York; it may not be very enjoyable, but it makes one truly appreciate the quality of the good stuff (/NY superiority complex).

In all seriousness, Brain Voyage is the latest member of the "brain game" bandwagon, but does very little to add to the emerging genre, and falls short in real entertainment value. In other words, this isn't NY pizza (okay, now I'm done with that analogy, I promise).

Brain Voyage features 16 different puzzle types with 5 variations each. They are not all available from the beginning, however. Players complete the early puzzles to win coins, which can then be used to purchase new puzzles, or higher difficulty levels on existing ones. The number of coins a player earns is based on their score for that particular puzzle. There are bronze, silver, and gold medals, and each one is worth more coins than the last.

This isn't called Brain Voyage just for kicks; the puzzles aren't arranged in a simple menu, but are accessed via points on a world map and played with those cities as backdrops. That may sound like a fresh and interesting approach, but in actuality it makes selecting the desired puzzle much more difficult. None of the cities are labeled with the type of puzzle played there, even after clicking through from the world map to the puzzle level select. It's only when the puzzle begins that its identity is revealed, so either memorize which puzzles go with which cities, or don't expect to be able to choose the type of puzzle you want to play at any given moment.

There are a couple of other modes in Brain Voyage, but they are fairly insubstantial. In random play, the game will string together 4, 8, or 16 puzzles and keep a running total of points accrued across all of them. There is a leaderboard at the end where players can see their names go up in lights (by that I mean plain text). One can also directly access and replay puzzles that he or she decided to save while "voyaging," although I found little incentive to ever make use of that feature. The puzzles simply aren't engaging enough to want to replay for "fun."

The puzzles themselves are based off of simple games that just about everyone should be familiar with. Minesweeper, mazes, matching, Simon, peg solitaire, and counting (yes, counting) are just a few of the less-than-exciting games that players will tackle on this voyage. It isn't quite Professor Layton or even Brain Age, so don't expect to be wowed by the puzzle quality.

The audio and visual presentation is not very impressive, either. The graphics are very simple and undetailed, and the music sounds like something out of the 8- or 16-bit era. Interestingly, the game's host looks like a significantly less menacing and poorly rendered version of Nintendo president Reggie Fils-Amie.

There are better "brain games" on the market than Brain Voyage, to put things simply. For quick and engaging play, try the Brain Age games, and for a little more depth and intelligence, there's the stellar Professor Layton and the Curious Village. As for Brain Voyage, I can't bring myself to recommend picking it up.

One Word Review | Wii Sports

This is One Word Review, a concept that I shamelessly lifted from my friend Creighton over at eight bit childhood (it's okay, he said I could). The idea behind OWR, as we like to call it, is that videogames are so often rated, reviewed, and discussed to exhaustion that it is sometimes a relief to read a succinct, definitive description of a game--a single word that sums up the most prominent characteristics of the gaming experience. That's the idea, so here goes:

Demonstrative

The Count | Give Me More: Games That Need Sequels

I've been thinking a lot about sequels lately, and how so many original games these days will eventually have at least one sequel somewhere down the road. It really doesn't matter if the game is good, great, mediocre, or utter crap, either, because sequels are low-cost, high-profit products. It makes a gamer really appreciate games that actually deserve a second, third, or even fourth edition.

I'm planning to spend a few weeks (maybe not all in a row) talking about sequels: games that need sequels, franchises that need to call it quits, exemplary sequels/series', and more are all on the menu. Today I'll begin with a short list of games that I feel are so worthy of sequels that it saddens me not to see them made. I hope and wish and dream that follow-ups for these gems will one day exist.

Psychonauts

If it isn't already obvious that I'm a big fan of Psychonauts, Tim Schafer, and everything he's ever been a part of, hopefully now I've made it abundantly clear. Psychonauts features top-notch platform-adventure gameplay and some of the best writing in all of videogaming, making it a it a can't-miss title (that so many have seemed to miss). It also ends with the main character, Raz, becoming an official Psychonaut, then being immediately called off on some undetailed mission. We simply need to play that mission, and more.

Beyond Good & Evil

One of the best non-Zelda additions to its genre, Beyond Good and Evil managed to take elements from games across the board and seamlessly stitch them together into a complete, mature-themed (in the literal sense, not the ESRB one) adventure with a whole lot to say to gamers. Unfortunately, this colorful, truth-seeking journey came to an inevitable end, leaving the relatively few gamers who had the pleasure of experiencing it wanting more. The ending suggests that the story is not yet over, and those who played through this masterpiece would certainly agree.

Skies of Arcadia

One of the best games for the Dreamcast, and arguably the best RPG for the Gamecube, Skies of Arcadia is absolutely deserving of a sequel. It's about airships and sky pirates, exploration and fighting evil, but this cliche extravaganza still feels fresh. I'd even go so far as to call it epic. The game will take away a healthy chunk of your life, but it's interesting and enjoyable throughout. The only thing I would adjust is the frequency of random encounters, but honestly, the battle system was enjoyable enough that this slight is forgivable. Gimme some more!

River City Ransom

I can't make it through a single "great games" discussion without mentioning this beat-em-up-with-RPG-elements from Technos Japan. This game had everything a gamer could want from the genre, plus a whole lot more to make it stand out from the rest of the pack. Players could learn new techniques by purchasing and reading books, increase their stats by chowing down on sushi, pizza, burgers, etc., and make use of all manner of impromptu weaponry. The action was fast-paced, and the fun of co-op RCR has been matched by few games since 1989. Current generation technology could really work wonders.

Eternal Darkness

This game is a breath of fresh air. Taking the horror genre to places it had never been before, Eternal Darkness weaved a tale of epically occult themes, spanning thousands of years and handfuls of protagonists. The writing, even in describing seemingly unimportant environmental elements, was well beyond what most gamers have come to expect, and pulled together a world that could keep even the most severely ADD-stricken gamers interested. With a unique combat system and its highly original insanity effects, Eternal Darkness stands out among horror games, infusing real-life fear into a virtual experience. Even a completely new story would fit the series, so it's hard to believe Silicon Knights wouldn't follow up on this gem of a game.

Earthbound

Earthbound is one of the most unique and clever RPG series' to ever grace a home console. It is in no way formulaic, and never fails to be original. Unfortunately, this three-game series has only seen ONE U.S. release, so while its presence on this list may be nationalistically selfish, it is absolutely justified. Earthbound has an incredible following here in the west, and all these fans really want is to play Earthbound's sequel in a language they can understand. Mother 3, the official follow-up to 1995's SNES edition, was released in Japan for the GBA in 2006, and has no foreseeable future, stateside. Thus far, fansite Starmen.net has done more for the U.S. fans than Nintendo.

Bioshock

A sequel to this August '07 release is already in the works, planned for 2009, but I thought it necessary to say just how great a successor to this incredible title will be. Bioshock required gamers to approach a first-person shooter in a way that deviated from the norm, adding depth and meaning with unique gameplay and excellent storytelling. This was my personal pick for GotY 2007, and I'd be willing to pay twice to play its sequel. The great thing about it is that the next game need not even continue the storyline of the first game - it only needs to create a game world as rich as its predecessor, using the tools and methods that 2K Boston has already put in place. That's not to say that improvements can't be made, of course...

There are plenty of other games that could use a good sequel, as well. These are just the ones that I long for the most. So, what sequels do you want to see?

One Word Review | Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

This is One Word Review, a concept that I shamelessly lifted from my friend Creighton over at eight bit childhood (it's okay, he said I could). The idea behind OWR, as we like to call it, is that videogames are so often rated, reviewed, and discussed to exhaustion that it is sometimes a relief to read a succinct, definitive description of a game--a single word that sums up the most prominent characteristics of the gaming experience. That's the idea, so here goes:

Dextroustunty

The Holy Grail? -- Grand Theft Auto IV Semi-Review

I don't often read game reviews. One reason I try to stay away from them is to maintain the integrity of my own critiques. Reviewing videogames is an important part of my job description, and I want my words to be as original and truthful as they can be.

The other reason I avoid reviews is because sometimes I think reviewers are living in a different friggin' reality than the one that I'm experiencing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy getting a bit of a different perspective on things, but some of what people say about certain games makes me want to hand out awards for being dumb...or drugged.

Such is the case with Grand Theft Auto 4 reviews. I've been playing the game for a while now, and I enjoy it. I would definitely recommend that gamers try it out, but wouldn't expect it to be universally loved. To be completely honest, it feels a lot like any other 3D Grand Theft Auto game, and it certainly won't be finding itself on my list of all-time greats anytime soon.

Somehow, though, the general consensus in the world of videogame critique is that GTAIV is the best thing since, well, ever. I was talking to Kyle last night, and he made me painfully aware that the game has claimed the #1 spot on the all-time lists at both GameRankings and Metacritic. I was stunned, and wondered for a moment if I was dreaming. "GTA4?" I said to myself, "The best game of all time? What the hell are these people smoking?" So I began to read what I obviously missed in this shiny, online-enabled, feature-stripped version of a game that we've been playing for six years. This is what I discovered:

People are enamored by Liberty City

I agree with this, the city is huge and detailed, bustling with activity, and operates totally independently from the actions of Niko Bellic (unless of course he comes careening off of a garbage truck at 90 miles per hour and hits a group of union workers sitting on the stoop of a building by the park while the cops are chasing a thug down the street a block over). Rockstar has indeed created a rich environment to play in, and I applaud them for that.

Nobody has been told a good story lately

I'm sorry, but GTAIV's story is not as good as people seem to have convinced themselves that it is. The whole point of the game was to find "that special someone" from your past, and when you finally did, there was very little fanfare at all. That would have been fine if something of substantial gravity came up to overshadow it, but it didn't. Sure, there was a kidnapping, and that was a great mission, but an impromptu kidnapping and rescue is not quite the same as a lifelong hunt for someone who was responsible for the slaughter of your entire circle of friends in the most traumatic time of your life.

The final conflict was completely contrived and almost nonsensical. That last "villain" to be dealt with played a fairly minor role until the last mission, routinely dishing out assignments and acting in a generally amicable way toward Niko. When the hell do mafia bosses go on drive-bys, anyway? Aren't there "soldiers" for that? Additionally, don't you think Packie would have been just a little more upset that his SISTER was killed than a guy who just met her a week ago and had never even seen the inside of her apartment?

"Oscar-worthy" is an overused phrase

I liked the characters. Their performances were very colorful and genuine; they feel like real people - people you get to know personally. They lead you to either love them or hate them, which is the goal of any good dramatic actor. Only a couple left me feeling completely indifferent, and the biggest gripe I can conjure up about their dialogue is that some of their accents and ethnic colloquialisms sounded unnatural. That aside, dialogue was top-notch, but calling it Oscar-worthy is a bit of a hyperbole.

Improved controls mean flawless gameplay

Well, that's very debatable. The controls are absolutely better than in past GTA games. Combat, especially has been tightened up, allowing players to lock on, free-aim, use cover, and climb over obstacles on their way to erasing their enemies. It feels much more complete than the old GTA combat system, and allows for more complex firefights. Shooting it out with the killers of Liberty City is much more engaging and fun this time around, but it's not without its flaws and still manages to feel clunky on a consistent, albeit less frequent basis.

Driving in GTAIV is different than in past games. There are actually a few applicable laws of physics now, so each car will handle differently than the rest. This makes rollin' down the streets feel a lot less like the Cruis'n series, and more like a mildly sophisticated driving simulation. It's a good change. That being said, it's not really a whole lot of fun to drive around when you're trying to accomplish goals. Remember all the crying that accompanied Wind Waker's sailing? That's sort of how I felt about GTAIV's driving as I progressed further into the game. Thanks for the cabs, Rockstar, or else I may have just given up on trying to get to my damn missions. PS - That's not how gamers should feel.

"The missions are amaaaazing, and NOT repetitive at all"

Unfortunately, the missions in GTAIV are far less creative than what we have seen in the past. More than half of what Niko does in GTAIV involves the following 4-step process:

1. Get mission assignment
2. Go to highlighted location
3. Fight or chase
4. Chase or fight

A few of the missions stand out, as one might expect, but the ratio of truly interesting story missions to mundane and repetitive ones is disappointing. There are plenty of optional tasks to perform on the side, but within each category of mission, again, the weight of repetition bogs the experience down. That's not to say that there is no joy in completing missions, because they have to have been at least somewhat enjoyable for me to have completed the game. It's just that GTAIV makes me feel bipolar; sometimes it's really fun, and other times I just want to put it on the shelf and forget about it. It really depends on the mission.

So Niko's Liberty City adventure has added a bunch of new stuff to the GTA equation, including internet browsing, friendships, dating, social events, and a nifty cell phone that acts as a hub for your entire digital-age existence (and serves as a nice throwback to the payphone-based mission acquisition of the original GTA). These are fine additions to the franchise, but they're offset by the things that have been taken away.

First of all, money is damn near useless in GTAIV, save for an Xbox achievement, so that incentive to succeed is gone. Your hard-earned cash can get you ringtones and wallpapers for your phone, a few outfits from the clothing store, or the occasional gun when Niko has thrown his away, but that's about it. You can't buy businesses to increase your fortune or additional safehouses/garages to save your game and store your vehicles. Actually, there are no garages at any of GTAIV's safehouses, which is a big buzz-kill. Parking your Infernus in a "reserved parking spot" on the side of the street doesn't exactly give a person the same feeling as filling up multiple garages like an episode of Cribs.

As for character growth and customization, Niko won't be getting any haircuts or tattoos, nor will he be hitting the gym or improving his stats in any way. GTAIV has done away with that sort of character growth. Instead, Niko develops as a character through narrative and experience. We see and hear his views shift as the game progresses, which is refreshing for a GTA game, but he isn't the most dynamic and affective character videogames have to offer by any stretch of the imagination. Even the "big moral choices" that many have touted are little more than choosing who to kill and who to let live. Either way, not much is changed. This was a very disappointing aspect of the game.

"The multiplayer is huge and awesome!"

Well, yeah. It's pretty awesome.

Hmmm, now that I've pretty much reviewed this thing, I might as well give it a score, huh? Okay, to satisfy the arbitrary rating-seekers, I give it a :-) out of :-D

There you have it, my rant-turned-quasi-review of the most overrated game of the year. The point of all this is that GTAIV is not the be-all, end-all second coming of the gaming gods. It is a solid game, just like the rest of the series, but let's take a minute to remember what it means to be a "perfect" 10, shall we?

One Word Review | The Legend Of Zelda: The Ocarina Of Time

This is One Word Review, a concept that I shamelessly lifted from my friend Creighton over at eight bit childhood (it's okay, he said I could). The idea behind OWR, as we like to call it, is that videogames are so often rated, reviewed, and discussed to exhaustion that it is sometimes a relief to read a succinct, definitive description of a game--a single word that sums up the most prominent characteristics of the gaming experience. That's the idea, and now we begin:

Quintessential

Wii Paint: Can It Edit Images Too?

What else can the Wii do? That is one question that the brains behind Operation: Nintendo Wii seem to constantly be asking one another.

We've already seen things like the Wii Wheel to mimic real-world driving, gun-shaped peripherals and realistic shooting mechanics for first-person shooters, tennis racquets, golf clubs, and baseball bats to snap our Wii remotes into, and all manner of other interesting gameplay mechanics and peripherals. With the advent of the Wii Balance board and Wii Fit, however, the software for the Wii seems to be drifting from the company's gaming roots into the realm of non-gaming user applications.

Last week, I was speaking to GamerNode's superhero creative director Jesse about graphics editing, and at the same time applauding the recent re-release of the paintbrush-wielding adventure, Okami, when I thought of the possibility of a Photoshop-like application for the Wii (or maybe more along the lines of an enhanced MSPaint). The way I see it, videogame consoles are little more than mini-computers that specialize in a particular type of software, so why not add a typically PC-performed function in order to customize an aspect of the games?

Distribution of such an application could be as simple as a new WiiWare download, made available to users for a sack o' Wii Points. The newly downloaded "Wii Paint" would fit nicely next to the Wii Photo Channel, and the two could even be used in conjunction.

Later on, the Wii Paint application could even be tied into game releases, allowing players to add custom logos, icons, maps, etc. to their games, or even tweak and/or replace certain in-game textures. Knowing the passion with which gamers approach anything videogame-related, even a low-quality graphics editing tools could lead to incredible artwork. The following video clip comes to mind:

I assume that this Wii Paint idea would have to be of a somewhat lesser quality than something like Photoshop because of the hardware limitations of the Wii console. Obviously, we are not going to get a powerhouse program on the Wii, simply because of the less-than-impressive hardware specs of the console. With only 88 MB of RAM available, the Photoshop experience would be incredibly slow and frustrating. Additionally, the program would need to be of a reasonable size in order to fit in the Wii's 512 MB of internal storage space, so many of the more advance features of today's graphics editing software would have to be cut. So we're not really talking Photoshop, but I would hope that we're not talking about an MSPaint equivalent either.

In any case, something like this could be a very viable, elementary alternative for those individuals who may rock out on the Wii, but never get into the PC end of image manipulation. Graphics editing software can be pretty expensive, and not everyone knows how or where to find the el cheapo versions.

And remember that retirement home that was in the news way back when? I'll go out on a limb and say that they probably aren't designing websites on their MacBooks in-between knitting and naps...